Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I went to Trudy's house.
Hello! How are you? I was just ruminating on the phrase, "O, what a tangled web we weave." Ever notice how old-timey people sometimes just drop the "h" after the "o" when they say "oh"? I think it's adorable. It's like they didn't have time to write the "h" so they just dropped it entirely. But it's not like they were busy or anything. I lived through old-timey times, and things were a LOT less stressful then. All you ever had to worry about was whether the cow was going to die, or if the bubonic plague was going to reach your hamlet.
Anyway, back to "tangled web." Since I'm in kind of a holding pattern with dad (see yesterday's post) I went to Trudy's house today (O! She's a bank teller!) to see if I could patch up the huge hole in our relationship. She answered the door.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi," she said.
[Looooooooong uncomfortable pause.]
"So I've been thinking about becoming a mall security guard," I said.
She didn't laugh.
"Okay, Trudy," I said. "I've been a real d-word, pardon my French…"
"Yes, you have."
"Okay, I deserve that, because I know you're angry with me, and you have every right to be."
"So… I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm super sorry for being so mean to you."
"How were you mean to me?" she asked.
"In what ways were you mean to me?"
I was REALLY CONFUSED by this.
"Did you forget that I was mean to you?"
"No," she said. "I want you to tell me the ways that you hurt me. To make sure you're not just apologizing for the sake of apologizing."
"OH! I get it. Right. Okay. Ummm… I was really mean to you about Damien, and about you about kissing him with your tongue. That was none of my business."
"Okay… keep going."
"And… I'm really sorry for treating you like a commodity, when I asked you to go out with Damien and trick him into giving me back second base."
"And… there's more? Ummm… of course there is. Ummmm… and… I'm sorry I got freaked out when you put your finger in my mouth?"
"OH, COME ON!!" I cried. "What's going on here? Are we going back to the 4th grade with this apology stuff? I said I was sorry, and I really, really am!"
[Another long pause, then she gave me a real funny look.]
"Do you really not know what's going on here? Or are you really that naive?" she asked.
"I really don't know what's… oh… I think I do know what's going on here. You liked me. Like, 'liked me-liked me.'"
"Yeah. I 'liked you-liked you.' What did you think was going on?"
"I dunno," I said. "I guess I was just hoping you wouldn't."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because you're perfect the way you are, and if we 'liked each other-liked each other' I'd have to be a different person, and you'd have to be a different person."
"Jesus," she said. "You're the same person. The person I liked. I'm the same person, too."
"Yeah…" I said. "I guess you really are. (Pause) So, Trudy? Would you like to go out and eat a steak?"
"Wow… that's really sweet. But Damien's coming over in a bit, and we're going to a movie. But I'm really glad we've had this talk. We can have lunch later this week, maybe. Call me, okay?"
Then as she started to shut the door…
"I feel better about this," she said. "Do you feel better about this?"
"Sure," I said. "I feel better about this."
I don't feel better about this.