Thursday, June 21, 2007

British people aren't very funny.

Hallooooo! (That's how British guys say "hello" when they dress up as girls. For some reason it always gets a laugh.) How are you? I don't have much to say today, but I will comment on two things: 1) Trudy (the bank teller who I have a crush on and is currently dating my mortal enemy) called today to say she was sorry for bringing Damien (that's my mortal enemy) to lunch yesterday, and that he was such a jerk. I said it was "okay."
And 2) Why aren't British people funnier? Karen (that's my lamb) and I was watching Benny Hill on TV last night, and neither of us laughed ONCE. I kind of don't get why everyone was laughing a lot when Benny was dressed up as an old guy in a wheel chair and he was being chased around by a bunch of semi-clad nurses. (The saxophone song in the background was kind of funny though. Why can't they just play that, and not show anything else?)
I don't think Monty Python is funny, either. EXCEPT for their movie, The Life of Brian which is apparently based on my life, and is SUPER-DUPER FUNNY! I love it!! You should watch that one, because it's great. Don't watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, because it is boring and DUMB. And especially don't watch it with a bunch of Monty Python nerds—because all they do is scream "NEE! NEE! NEE!" during the entire flick. Annoying!!
And here's another weird thing about British people: sometimes even the funny ones are NOT funny. Like Rowan Atkinson? If you ever see his Black Adder series on TV—WATCH IT! It's even funnier than The Life of Brian! Meanwhile, if you see his other series, Mr. Bean, on TV—DON'T WATCH IT! You'll want to dig out your eyeballs with a rusty spoon.
But I'm open to suggestions about British people you think are funny. (Yes, I've seen Absolutely Fabulous—don't think it's funny. But I have seen the British version of The Office, and think Ricky Gervais is hilarious, except when he's on that HBO show Extras, when he's not funny and BOOOOOORING.)

Today Karen ate a foot-long hot dog! SO CUTE. I took a picture of her so I could post it on this blog, but it looked dirty, so I didn't.


Rebecca said...

I love The Life of Brian and Black Adder! Great taste in Britishness, my ninja.

I also think that the British series Black Books is really funny. Really, really funny. You would like that one, too. In the first episode, a guy named Manny accidentally swallows The Little Book of Calm, and the way he goes around saying nice things to people is based on the way you used to do just that, back in the day.

They don't play it on TV here, though. You have to be in the UK to see it on TV. But, look on the bright side of life: you can always buy it on

Norrin2 said...

Funniest British guy ever -- P.G. Wodehouse, but you'll have to read him, he's a writer not an actor.

Sammie said...

Dear J-
I kinda don't get British humor either, especially when their accents are so thick that you have to struggle to understand what they say!
I'm not sure if allowing Karen to eat a foot-long hotdog is a good idea. She might puke on your cashmere sweater or your cool cowboy/gay costumes and then you wouldn't like that so much!
Blessed art thou, Jesus!

Missy A said...

I don't understand Sienfeld that sopposed to be funny?? Same with all the American TV shows we get here Rosanne, The Office and others.
They aren't funny at all the only people laughing here are the ones on the laugh track
Its all in the way you see things British humour is based on inuendo and subtlety those are things that most Americans don't get.

BTW I'm Australian and we laughed when Steve Irwin got killed ..the animals got him back for all the annoying he did to them ...too funny!

Stacy&Jaye said...

Alan Rickman. Straight up hilarious in Dogma. Good flick, kind of about you. I advise it.

Rami said...

I can definitely recommend The Young Ones

Amanda said...

Heya Jesus!
I agree with stacy&jaye, Alan Rickman is faaabulous in Dogma. And on top of that Alanis Morissette plays a very cute deity, I might add.

If you want to check out some good Brit humour (with an "ou" in humor cause it's British), then you should read Douglas Adams Hitchiker's Guide series. But don't read Mostly Harmless. It was poopy (PMF)! And don't watch the TV version either.

That makes me wonder, do you read much Jesus? What's your favorite book? (and don't say The Bible cause that'd be silly)

minniemama68 said...

I'm not a lover of British humor. I don't understand a lot of the Queen's English. Maybe it is the blonde hair or something. I do love those Aussies though. Since I have 2 smaller boys, the Wiggles are big at our house. Happy happy music. Our oldest kid (he'll be 18 soon) is totally embarrassed by this, but too darned bad.
How's Karen??? She doesn't look big enough to eat a foot long hot dog. Lots of love, my ninja!!!!

JR said...

Jesus -

I'm de-lurking to say two word to you: EDDIE IZZARD.

He's hysterical. He makes fun of bible stories, in a way that I think might make you laugh. You should definitly check out his stand-up. You can buy it at Best Buy. Start with "Dressed To Kill," it's the best one.

Love you, ninja!

Anonymous said...

I think you should get a leather jacket and some hair gel and a new wardrobe, then bring some other chick with you the next time you hang out with Trudy and her D-bag "boyfriend." I think she will be SO jealous if she saw you with another girl. D-bag Damien wouldn't stand a chance. I think you'd look hot with a good haircut. Keep the beard though. You kind of rock it.

The_Myth said...

Jesus Christ!

You haven't seen Dawn French in The Vicar of Dibley???

She plays a vicar sent to a slightly backwoods village who adores you as her 2 most cherished icons.

You simply *MUST* look for the show!

Trina said...

My favorite part of Life of Brian is when all the soldiers run through that little hut and then the head soldier guy (John Cleese) says, "You're weird" to the old man. For some reason, it always used to crack me up. I like Eddie Izzard. But not as much these days. My favorite is Craig Ferguson. I'm sort of a dork, but I also don't think about it much, but there are quite a few Monty Python's Flying Circus sketches that I personally feel are worth watching. Thanks for sharing your feelings about British comedy, my ninja! I also lurve me some Black Adder. But I also have lots of friends in the UK, and I wonder how they would feel to read this post. Kinda anti-Brit, at least in the beginning...but I still like you!

Georgina Ragazza said...

Hey there, my Ninja!

I'm a Brit myself, so I had to comment here in defence of all things Blighty (that's how you say "Great Britain" in Brit-speak!).

I don't like "Mr. Bean" either, but I do love "Blackadder"! And Eddie Izzard is jolly funny indeed (you have to say "Jolly" too, if you want to do Brit-speak). You should definitely check out "Black Books" and absolutely defintely watch "The Mighty Boosh" - it's a bit surreal, but very very funny.

I think we get more American TV shows here in Blighty than you get Brit shows in the US - I guess the accents probably don't help. I have a lot of American friends who can't understand Northern accents!

But, you sound a lot more chipper these days, and I'm happy about that. So, here's some Brit advice on the Trudy situation - stiff upper lip! She'll come round in the end, don't you worry.

We're on your side, Jesus - high five!

I'll teach you some more Brit-speak if you like, and then you'll look really cosmopolitan and Trudy will be dazzled.

P.S. I've never thought Benny Hill was funny either.

Mike Noga said...

There is a funny British improv show called Who's Line Is It ANyway? It's funny mostly because most of the improv artists are Canadian and American. Later American took the show over and improved on it.

Have you ever done improv? I think it'd be funny to see Jesus up on stage pretending to be surfing through a department store, or something like that.

The Ichthyophile said...

Jesus, I was introduced to the Blackadder series a year ago and loved it! You get to see Hugh Laurie back when he was funny and not an arrogant prick Doctor on House.

I also suggest listening to some of "the Goons" radio shows back in the 50's and 60's. It's where Peter Sellers got his start.

fairycookie said...

I am kind of mad at Britain since the shipped Posh & Becks over here. Blech.

I am also mad at Canada since Mike Meyers turned into kind of a d-bag (PMF).

If you like skateboarding you should watch Rob & Big on MTV. They have a mini-horse whol gambols a lot like I think Karen must. And it's hysterical.

I am glad to hear you more chipper! Keep it up :)

Catfish said...

British people frighten me!
They are always saying things are "bloody" and I don't understand.
I am scared of things that I don't understand.
Makes me want to kill them, the things I don't understand...

J2 said...

Hey, Jesus!

I admit it; I get British (Blighty?) humour, I guess. I do agree with the others--Mr. Bean and Benny Hill got old REALLY fast. My father and I watched "Keeping Up Appearances" together. He wasn't terribly coherent at his advanced age, but he always loved watching an episode of "Hyacinth" (that's what he called it). Also, "The Two Ronnies" was rather cute, IMHO.

Cheers...and more BlightySpeak lessons, please, Georgina Ragazza! I love the word "brolly!" Here in Portland, Oregon, we have many occasions to use such a nice word.

Love to all!

The Holmes said...

Careful Jesus, the fundamentalists will think that you're cursing British comedians to eternal damnation and will start preaching about the evils of British comedy. Or maybe they already do, I dunno.

Jesus H. Christ said...

Benny Hill: Not so funny.

1) I'll go to the UK right now!
2) He's got a funny last name, too! "Wodehouse!"
3) British people should stop mumbling.
4) I accept your advice.
5) Whoops, forgot that one. Funny!
6) I like military techno thrillers.
7) Karen likes the wiggles, too!
8) Eddie Izzard… check!
9) Ooh, I could totally "d-bag" it. Good idea!
10) I'll check it out, but has there ever been a more boring title than "The Vicar of Dibley"?
11) It's not British people's fault they aren't funny. It's like being handicapped. (Without the free parking.)
12) Learning more Brit-speak would be just super, luv!
13) Improv kind of makes me sick. So much pressure!
14) Yeah! And what happened to Dr. House's accent??
15) I like the Spice Girls, though.
16) I don't think they mean to be scary. It's mostly because of their teeth.
17) Pip, pip! Cheerio!
18) Fundamentalists are more scared of British people than I am. They think they're gay.

Whoops. I skipped Missy's comment:
Dear Missy: I bet the stingray laughed, too.

Danny boy said...

Hey Jebus.

Not a great deal on here about the British stand up comedians, try Bill Bailey. The guy is genius
and looks funny, Part Troll is my fav of his, I think he's the best Atm. Don't bother with Ricky Gervais he's about as funny as someone putting their todger in your mouth whilst your sleeping.

Also try: Only fools and horses. for classic british TV humor. "Alright Dell boy me 'ol
china" lol.

tom baker said...

You guys are forgetting some keys things. Us Brits arnt as funny. Sure you can say subtly, nah just shit. Monty python.....ugh.....please. Now lets get to where comedy counts Stand up comedy. Eddie izzard haha hilarious. ..not. Jack Dee probably the best i like jack he looks at stuff like me lol. Now how about richard Pryor, bill hicks , louis ck, bill burr . No us brits ain't funny in general so fucking goofy. Incidentally i do stand up comedy and am shit . Americans are funny bill burr killing it at the moment.

tom baker said...

Fuck no ones commented in 8 years! I was 25 when the last comment was made. Probably some of you guys are dead now.

tom baker said...

Fuck no ones commented in 8 years! I was 25 when the last comment was made. Probably some of you guys are dead now.