Thursday, June 28, 2007
The football player gets the girl.
Hi! What'sa happenin', hot stuff? I took that from Sixteen Candles. I'm watching a lot of high school movies, since I'm going to be attending high school. And… I'M THRILLED about it! This "joining the local high school football team" thingy (see yesterday's post) is the best thing to happen to me since Karen (that's my lamb) gamboled into my life. And even better? I'm thinking it's a sure bet to make Trudy (my bank teller heartthrob) like me… and when I say "like me," I mean "LIKE me, LIKE me." As Jeremy (my new shirtless football playing teammate) likes to say, "Chicks like football players. And I mean LIKE, LIKE."
So anyway! Today was my lunch meeting (I'm not ostentatious enough to call it a date) with Trudy at the mall food court, and you should've seen her jaw DROP when I was waiting for her in my full football costume—sorry, "uniform"—and pads!
"What… in the world…" she said. "I LOVE it. Are you going to a costume party or something? It's totally real!"
"Nope," I said smiling. "Trudy, meet the newest member of the local high school football team."
"GET… OUT!! Really??" she squealed. (I love making her squeal.) "That is the most awesome thing ever! I'm so happy for you! I don't know how you did it, but you have really outdone your…"
"Well… well… if it isn't Jesus Lombardi!" (That's right… DAMIEN.) "Another day, another stupid costume, huh, Jesus?"
"It's a UNIFORM, Damien," I corrected.
"Damien… I told you not to follow me today," Trudy said.
"Last time I checked, it's a free country! Even if you want to dress like an IDIOT."
"I'm not just dressed this way, Damien. I'm the newest member of the local high school football team."
(It should be noted at this point, that I really despise Damien's laugh. It's a grating, high pitched laugh that digs into the marrow of your bones.)
"Stop it! You're killing me!" he screamed with laughter. "YOU?! FOOTBALL?"
"YEAH. HIM. FOOTBALL."
Damien turned around to see all my fellow teammates standing behind him.
"Jesus is our new receiver. WHOOOOOO!!!" Jeremy said. "You got a problem with that?"
"It's… ahem… it's a free country," Damien whispered.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Jeremy said menacingly, before turning to me. "Hey Jesus, you inviting your friends to tomorrow's big game?"
"Sure," I said. "If they can come."
"You're kidding me, right?" Trudy squealed again. "OF COURSE! I wouldn't miss it for the world!!"
"Neither would I," Damien said, trying desperately to stare daggers through the holes in my wrists.
Oh, boy. That was really a great moment. And Damien just sat there and stewed for the rest of the lunch, while I recounted the entire story to Trudy about how I made the team. (It also didn't hurt when a couple of the more attractive cheerleaders dropped by to say hello.)
I LOVE FOOTBALL… SOOOOOOO… MUCH!!
My one and only concern is something Damien said to me, right before he left:
"Good luck at tomorrow's big game, Jesus. It would be really bad if everything suddenly went HORRIBLY WRONG."
What do you think he meant by that? Eh. Probably nothing.
Drop back by tomorrow to hear the results of the big game. I hope I win. WHOOOOOO!!!