Tuesday, May 1, 2007

My head feels funny.

Hi. Whooaaaaaa… I feel funny. Oh. How are you? I feel funny. Like, I don't know… like the world is a bit spinny and colorful. Weird.
Anyway, today I decided to make crowns for all my friends. I went to the store and bought a bunch of yellow construction paper, but they were out of my normal glue, so I bought this really bizarre German kind like my dad had in his old wood shop. It's in a yellow can, and it has this syringey-squirty top, and it smells SUPER funny!
So I was like, "Hey Karen!" (That's my lamb.) "Hey Karen, come smell this funny smelling glue!" The great thing about Karen is that she'll smell ANYTHING. You could totally pick something out from between your toes, and she'd smell it. I kind of admire that in a lamb.
Anyway, Karen smelled the pot of glue, and she started acting really weird, like hopping around on her back legs, and running into the screen door. PRETTY FUNNY. But I was like, "Oh, come on, Karen. It can't smell that bad," and took a big whiff of it myself.
That's when I started feeling funny. Colors went all ka-blooey and I felt like I needed to sit down or something. Then a big orange walked into the room, and I said, "Hello," and the orange said, "What's up?" and I said, "Well, you're a big orange and you just walked into my room. That's kind of what's up." Then—and this is pretty hard to explain— the orange kind of started peeling itself from the inside, while singing Bryan Adams songs. Starting with "Summer of '69." At first I was frightened, but then I was psyched. I love "Summer of '69." So I started singing along, "AND WHEN I HELD HER HAAAAAND/ I KNEW IT WOULD LAST FOR-E-VER/ THOSE WERE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIIIIIFE!/ WHOA! YEAAAAAHHH!/ BACK IN THE SUMMER OF '69!"
Then I fell and hit my head.
I feel a lot better now, and the singing orange is gone. However, I caught Karen in bed with an oven mitt. I should be really concerned, I guess, but since she seems so embarrassed, I'm just going to drop it.
Anyway! Back to making crowns! Now… where did I put that glue?


J2 said...

How did the crowns turn out? Please be more careful with chemicals. Cheers!

LeLo in NoPo said...

Hello Jesus,
Long time no talky talk. Hey. About that Bryan Adams music? At least it wasn't Bruce Springsteen. I mean, if it was Born in the USA, then you'd probably do the white running man dance. And I don't think anyone needs to see Jesus H. Christ doing that. Tell Karen I say Hi! and to stop huffing.

g said...

That glue is not the "rugby" (contact cement) some of the really poor kids in Asia sniff, right? (It's supposed to alleviate hunger.)

Anyway, I hope they're not crowns of thorns. I mean, you do have a certain way of exacting revenge, albeit in 'mysterious' ways.

Ja'AmLo said...

Ah! You got the "yellow label" stuff.
Did the orange have seeds? If so, you should see a doctor..... you might be gay.

Ja'AmLo said...


sorry to double post and I know this is off topic, and I also apologize for bringing up these sketches...
but what the pickledilly is going on in this picture?


seriously... were you hitting the glue with a buddy when this was drawn?

ps I microwaved some tortilla soup as hot as I thought you would have (i didn't learn from the burrito) and half my pallete is now missing. You are so hard core!

ok bye now!

Ja'AmLo said...

well butter my buns and call me a biscuit, that url got cut off. Thanks blogger!


now i look like a total idiot in front of Hank!!!11!1!!!1

Narcess said...

Once again you prove you are not the sharpest tool in the shed.
JC you have now been introduced to huffing. Good job. Next time keep Karen away from it she is an innocent. You need to post pics of the crowns so we all can see them.
I still believe you should at least invite Trudy over to your pad. Make sure you have candles lit. Have some nice cheese and crackers out, or some Alouetta. That stuff is amazing. Have a pitcher of water out and you can turn it to wine in front of her. Then just talk to her, ask her point blank how she feels about you. Ask her to tell you why she got so upset when she found out you had a date. From there you can make up your own mind on if you want to pursue her or not. But I am telling you that if you have a woman who enjoys your company, loves Quiznos, and is nice to Karen; you have hit the jackpot.

Cee in SF said...

I heard that Bryan Adams has been fake tanning, invading homes, and belting out the hits. He may also have put on a few pounds making him appear round.

I suggest locking your home up and dumping the glue. That glue's no good for you or Karen.

Amit said...

It isn't very good to sniff things that smell funny, and especially not good to encourage lambs to. But anyway, I think that you need to ask Trudy out to a dinner and movie, because she is a heck (pardon my french) of a lot nicer than your dentist.

Amit said...

Oh, and I have a question:

What is your opinion on subtle religious refrences in music? Should it be subtle, or should it be straight forward christian music?

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hey to the commenters! Thanks for all that commenting you do!

Dear J2: Great! Though they did smell funny.

Dear Lelo in Nopo: I don't know the running man. But I can do the Roger Rabbit!

Dear G: No, they were like Burger King crowns. I think that's bull that BK charges you to get a crown. (Pardon my French.)

Dear Ja'amio: I don't recall if it had seeds. But his pee-pee was really big. (Pardon my French.)

Dear Ja'amio: Wrong Jesus. Be careful with soup!

Dear Narcess: Maybe if you love Trudy so much, you should marry her! Ha! I got you with a joke!

Dear Cee in SF: Why is everyone blaming the glue?

Dear Amit: A movie? I already gave Trudy a crown, and I don't think she liked it. She yelled a lot, and said a giant pork chop was chasing her.
Christian music stinks. (Pardon my you know.)

killedasouthernbelle said...

be careful my dear lord.. dont go huffing anything by accident anymore!