Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I do things "Big Willie" style.

How are you doing? As for me, I've decided to get "jiggy with it." I was very surprised to learn over this past weekend that I'm a big fan of Will Smith's music. Especially his rap music! Have you ever heard his rap? Quite impressive. However, apparently everyone doesn't think so. I played softball yesterday with Damien (he's the guy who Trudy accused of stealing my second base position), and he pooh-poohed Will Smith. "Oh, that guy hasn't done crap (Pardon his French) since he stabbed Jazzy Jeff in the back," said Damien.
"He killed Jazzy Jeff?" I asked.
"NO! Will Smith became a big TV and movie star, and kicked Jazzy Jeff to the curb!"
"He kicked Jazzy Jeff?"
For some reason Damien gets exasperated by our conversations, and once again he walked away. Regardless, I "wikied" Will Smith, and there's no mention of him killing or kicking Jazzy Jeff, therefore I still like him. Here are my favorite "Big Willie" rap numbers in descending order from the songs I like the most to the songs I like the least, which I guess is what "descending order" means.
1) "Wild, Wild West"—I really like this song the best, because he tells the entire story of the movie in the song, thereby saving me the $1.99 rental fee. Plus it also has that guy Sisco who sang the "Thong, thong, thong, thong, thong" song.
2) "Gettin' Jiggy With It"—It's important in this day and age to remember to get jiggy with things. Anything one does can be improved upon by adding jigginess, and the absence of jiggiosity is a sad thing indeed.
3) "Summertime"—This one has Jazzy Jeff in it (pre-kicked)! Plus it has great lines like, "Riding around in your jeep or your benzos/ Or in your nissan stting on lorenzos." Do you have any idea what that means? I don't. And yet? I love it!
4) "Miami"—This is a very fun song to sing, because it has Mexican language in it! There's this one part where he sings, "Welcome to Miami," and then this pretty-sounding girl sings, "BENVENIDOSAMIYAMI!" I say this phrase a lot, and I've never even been to "Mi Yami!"
5) "Parents Just Don't Understand"— Big Willy? You really speak the truth on this one. My dad is especially frustrating. One day I was at the mall with Trudy (she's a bank teller), and my dad spotted us going into Hot Topic. And he actually yelled down the concourse, "JESUS!! JESUS H. CHRIST!! You don't need anything from that store!" I mean, how would he know what I need, or what I don't need? I totally wanted a Green Day t-shirt from Hot Topic. What? IS THAT SOME KIND OF STUPID SIN OR SOMETHING? Anyway, whatever. So to all you kids all across the land? Ain't no need to argue, parents just don't understand.

That's all I have to say about that, except for two things in descending order from least important to most important: 1) Jazzy Jeff was not killed or kicked by Will Smith, and 2) Life is better when you got "Big Willy style all in it." GET JIGGY WITH IT!


Rebecca said...

Do you go to school to learn, or for a fashion show? Hrm. I hope you got your t-shirt at Hot Topic anyway.

Oh Jesus, have you heard Nightmare on My Street? That song is SO GOOD because:

1. it retells the story of Nightmare on Elm Street, so I don't have to watch it, which is good because it's scary--AND

2. the second part of it is basically a little fan fic, in which Willie sings about how Freddie Krueger came to visit HIM at night.

Also, in that song, Will takes the time to call Jeff at the end and tell him, "DON'T FALL ASLEEP." He totally had his back! Did he really ever kick Jeff? You should find out what Damien meant, for reals.

Um, that's all for now. Bye!

minniemama68 said...

So glad to be second.

I love Big Willy.

Have you ever seen the video for "Parents Just Don't Understand'?? The sheets on his bed are the same ones I slept on in college. I believe they were the Mickey Mouse Circus brand.

So I'm getting jiggy too.....unfortunately not with Big Willy, but with his style.

Glad you are back Jesus. Missed you this weekend.

Cee in SF said...

My lil' sis met Big Willie once. He was very nice to her, which made me like him more. He's good people, even if he does hang out with the Cruise brood.

miss kendra said...

jesus, you should know that i adore you.

Lynnae said...

jesus, are you down with the jiggy schnitzel?

Kato said...

All excellent tunes by Mr. Smith. He made "gettin' jiggy" fashionable.

In case you were wondering, in the song Summertime which you quoted, he's talking about riding in a Mercedes Benz ("benzos") or a Nissan with rims/wheels (they hold on the tire) manufactured by Lorenzo Wheels ("lorenzos"). Isn't that awesome?

you guys r silly said...

Hi Jesus!
I'm glad for 2 things. In ascending order they are:
1. that the Wild, Wild West song tells the entire story of the movie because then no one actually has to watch the movie, because it sucks donkey poop (Pardon my French) (and that's in SPITE of Big Willie starring in it...) (and don't get me wrong - your father KNOWS I heart Will Smith!) and
2. you are back at your blog finally! I was starting to get worried that maybe you were ignoring me AGAIN. THAT would be very UNjiggy...
Can you break dance, Jesus?
Can you slide across the floor on your head?

Anonymous said...

Miami is hands down my favorite song. Thank you for addressing Will Smith, Jesus. I've tried to tell the people I know that Will Smith is the greatest rapper ever, but they just won't believe me. Now, that I have Jesus' word for it, they'll have to believe me!

Jon said...

Oh, the things one can do with a Big Willie.

Stacy&Jaye said...

What about Will2K? It samples from Rock The Casbah, combining two great tastes into one, peanut butter and chocolate, The Clash and Big Will...

I recommend it J.C.

Jesus H. Christ said...

Let's get comment-y with it!

1) That's my #6 Big Willie song!
2) I love that video. I wish my entire life looked like that.
3) Waitasecond… Will isn't a Scientologist, is he? I don't like those guys!
4) And I adore you! Let's ride our bikes to 7-11 sometime.
5) I've never had jiggy schnitzel! Is it very delicious?
6) OH! I thought he was talking about Lorenzo Lamas.
7) I can do the worm. Or at least I could until I bit my tongue. That hurt worse than the two spikes through my wrists!
8) That's right! Tell them Jesus told you!
9) Are you being dirty again?
10) That's my #7 favorite Big Willy song. Followed by Men in Black.

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