Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Let's talk gum!

Hi! Question! Can lambs eat gum? I hope they can, because Karen (that's my lamb) has been eating gum all day. Not bubble gum… just sticks of chewing gum. And I only give her a half stick at a time. So I'm not being dangerous. She loves it and I want to make her happy. She's especially fond of Fruit Stripe gum (that's the kind with the Zebra on the package) and so am I! I love it so much! Especially the orange flavored Fruit Stripe. In fact, I love orange flavored Fruit Stripe so much, I eat all the orange Fruit Stripe out of the package and give the rest to Karen. She's not so picky, but she seems to prefer cherry. I know this because she poops cherry poop. (Pardon my French-French.)
Some people claim that gum stays in your stomach for seven years, but I think that's a fallacy. How do I know this? Because it goes right through Karen in about 45 minutes, and comes out in a fairly similar fashion to the way it went in. One day she ate so much Fruit Stripe that I had to pull it out of her bottom hole in long strings. I know… GROSS!
Anyway, here is my top ten favorite gums:
2) Bubble Gum Cigars. (I think they make me look sophisticated.)
3) Peppermint Chiclets. (A classic.)
4) Altoids Gum (Particulary "Hot Cinnamon Death" flavor.)
5) Bazooka (The comics are funny!)
6) Orbit (The girl on the commercial is pretty.)
7) Icebreakers Ice Cubes (If Marshmallow Peeps were gum, these would be peeps.)
8) Trident Splash Strawberry (Tres exotique.)
9) Juicy Fruit (I don't let people see me chew this, because it looks old-timey.)
10) Hubba Bubba bubble gum (It kind of stinks, but I love the name!)

I LOVE GUM! Do you love gum? Tell me if you love gum.


J2 said...

Gum is fun! What was the name of that one that had the liquid mouthwashy-tasting stuff in the center? Anyone? Fruit Stripe gum rocks...for non-bubble gum, anyway.

Anonymous said...

I love gum too! I used to chew about a pack a day... then someone told me that chewing leads to gum cancer...

It wasn't until last month that I found out they were talking about chewing TOBACCO and not chewing GUM. People need to be more specific.

None Given said...

Dear Jesus,
I love gum even more now, since I quit smoking. My favorite is Stride because they sent Matt around the world, making Stride the NICEST gum company out there. But I also love Ice Breakers too.

I have a question for you, Jesus: I found out about your blog because one of your posts was featured in magazine "The Stranger." I think it's awesome that you got such sweet publicity, but I was wondering if you were cool with being featured in a mag that is full of dirty things towards the back?

J2, it was called Freshen Up. Thanks for the flashback!

hula_hank said...

Dear Jesus,

I love gum. I cannot get enough of gum! I have to constantly be chewing gum, and have mastered to store my gum between my upper left side of my cheek (like squirrel) whilst I eat other foods which may interfere with the texture of gum.

Juicy Fruit is good, but it is the kind of gum which your grandma would put a stick of in your birthday card.

I love Big Red. I also love any chewing gum with a liquid centre... Were they called Tidal Wave?

Bazooka was cool, but Jesus, do you remember Big League Chew? I loved that stuff!!!

What was the name of the licorice gum? I think it came in a pale blue pack... Black Jack! Yeah, that stuff was foul.

I don't really see a big difference between Hubba Bubba and Bubblicious, I don't really like bubble gum so much, it is too sweet, but I really used to love the watermelon flavour.

But you know what was the ultimate in Halloween currency... Blo-pops! Not just any flavour, but Green Apple seemed to be the most sought after Blo-pop, but of course the gum always tasted the same and was pink.

I am so glad that you have decided to discuss gum in today's blog.

Jesus, do you have a hairy chest?

love, Hank

minniemama68 said...

Love the gum!!!

But I dunno if I would give it to Karen. Especially if you have to pull it outta her butt!! (pardon my French)

I love bubble yum.

Craig D said...

Forgive me, dear son of God. I hate gum and find it disgusting. (Of course you know of all the other disgusting things I do and I ask forgiveness for those as well!)

Jon said...

Giving gum to a lamb? Is that kosher? Jesus, I know you love Karen but that is definitely not the way to show it, IMO. But, if you were to continue this disgusting habit, please switch to Orbitz gum. At least it'll give Karen's mouth a clean, fresh matter what.

And, blairthebarbie, I'm glad things got straightened out for you.

Choirboy said...

I love Beeman's, Clove, Teaberry,and most of all the gum balls you get out of the Lion's Club machines. I especially love to roll the balls around in my mouth and not bite them for as long as I can stand it. It's hard not to bite them cause they're so little and tasty. I like the red ones.

ChillyMama said...

Hi Jesus,

I love that you speak French, so very European! Anyway, I like Trident spearmint flavored gum. It makes my breath fresh and the taste lasts a really long time. It helped me quit smoking, which is a terrible and disgusting habit.

Have a wonderful day!

Bigg said...

Bless me, son of God, for I too love the bubble gum.

sweetlikejesus said...


I too love orange flavored gum. I have recently discovered Orbitz CitrusMint. That's all I chew now. I think you would like it - give it a try.

...and maybe you should research the gum/lamb thing. Might not be good for Karen.

Stay Sweet!

purpletwinkie said...

I sort of grew out of GOLD ROCKS GUM and BUBBLETAPE, but I still smile when I see them.

I'm thinking that Big Red is probably my alltime favorite. I do like Orbit peppermint though.

jorl said...


Your goat is good as dead!! The chemical xylitol in chewing gums causes fatal liver failure in pets.

You're a murderer, Jesus. A MURDERER. Pray for forgiveness, Jesus, because you're going to need it.

PS It is still safe for people so continue enjoying your favorite gums and also I hope no hard feelings I still love you

d. chedwick bryant said...

gum is fun!

Kato said...


Have you ever had that gum that comes with baseball cards? Sure, it was hard as a rock, but it was kinda good too.

Sherri said...

Hi Jesus!

I can't chew gum because I have that thing called temporomanibular joint disorder (I had to look that up on Wikipedia to spell it right) and it makes my jaw and face hurt to chew gum. Also, I had braces twice (once in highschool and then just a few years ago - I agree, dentists are mean, and it's worse when you have to pay them to make you hurt from 2 to 5 years at a time because if you don't all your teeth will fall out or something) so I have the whole "gum will ruin your braces and hurt" thing. So I don't chew it.

But I used to like it when I was really little. I'd go to sleep with it in my mouth, and it would fall out and get stuck in my hair, and in the morning I wouldn't want my mom to know because she'd get aggravated, so I'd cut it out with scissors. I had a lot of weird haircuts in kindergarten.

Gum probably won't hurt Karen in moderation, but I've known dogs who ate a lot of gum and it clogged up their intestines because they'd swallow it. Then they had to have surgery to remove the clog or sometimes they died. It would be too sad if Karen got clogged up. She would be miserable. I wouldn't give it to my lamb. If Karen likes the fruity flavors, I'd just cut up an apple or a pear for her.

Oh, I was reading your archive post about the pictures people make of you. Most of them are pretty ooky, but there was one in the Children's Bible I had as a kid. It made me have a crush on you when I was about 12. I thought you looked pretty good. But I'm not a Christian or anything even close, so I guess I don't have such a crush on you. Besides, now I'm married.

Anyway, bye!

you guys r silly said...

Hi Jesus!
Big Red used to be my all-time favorite !! I hadn't thought about Teaberry in a loooong time, but that was tasty, too. &:o)
I don't chew gum anymore, because my teeth & jaws are all screwed up now. (all the gum I chewed probably didn't help...)
If you don't like dentists, you might want to slow down on the whole gum chewing thing. You think having 2 spikes driven through your wrists was tough --- try living with a mouthful of rotten aching teeth sometime. It really sucks. (Pardon my French.)
Have a good night Jesus!

jodi said...

Everybody loves gum! Dang, there's a lot of action in this comment area.

The best gum ever was Chewels. It was the one with liquid in the center. And you could get it in Dr. Pepper flavor. Genius!

I don't know what ever happened to it.

Another great gum for kids is Big League Chew, it's the coolest to pretend like you're chewing actual tobacco right?

Ja'AmLo said...

Hola Hank,

I can't chew gum as my lack of coordination leaves me stumbling around in traffic. I just never learned to multitask.

boy did I learn the hard way - I tried to blame the rollerskates but it was really the gum's fault - long story and the cops never really bought it.

Do you rollerskate?

Anthony said...

Hey there Jesus,

Have you tried Orbit Bubble Gum? It's yummy and it's also supposed to clean your teeth!

Lynnae said...

Hi Jesus,

I love gum. Orbit Sweet Mint is pretty much your greatest creation... erm.... your dad's... Hey, does it bother you when people group you with your dad and the spirit into one entity? It's like they don't even recognize your individuality. How is the spirit related to you anyway? Is he like your cousin or something?

Also, I'm mad at Quizno's too, but not because they're mean. I'm a girl so they're generally nice to me. I'm mad because their advertising executives are stupid. Their slogan is MMMM... Toasty, right? But you say it "mm mm mm mm mm" - 5 mm's. So why do they only spell it with 4? It doesn't make any sense. But their sandwiches ARE pretty tasty. I like extra pepperoncinis on mine.

Anyway, thanks for giving me a place to chat with you about stuff outside of prayer-time!


Anonymous Dog Owner said...

Yum! Gum!

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hey everybody! Wow, what a lot of comments! I'll try to answer as many of your questions as possible.
1) Freshen Up!
2) Gum can get cancer?
3) You mean the escorts? I used to hang out with one named Mary, and she was cool!
4) I do have a hairy chest. It's like someone sewed an orangutan on me.
5) Pulling it out of a lamb's butt is one of the downsides of chewing gum, I'll agree with you.
6) No big whoop! I ain't mad at'cha.
7) Orbitz. Got it.
8) That sounds dirty.
10) You're blessed to the max!
11) Orbitz Citrus Mint. Got it. Don't feed gum to lamb. Got it.
12) Bubbletape is eerily similar to what comes out of Karen's bottom hole. (Pardon my French.)
13) Good thing I don't have a goat, then.
14) Rum is dumb!
15) I don't collect baseball cards, but I do have the full collection of Desert Storm trading cards. I don't know why, since they didn't include any gum! Another way the Bush family gypped us.
16) I'm sorry you have tempuramadiobularia. Rub it with salve.
17) I'm sorry you have rotten teeth, but let's not compare it to having spikes rammed through your wrists. For proof, Mel Gibson never made a movie about someone going to the dentist. I like you, though!
18) Yeah… why wasn't Big League Chew tobacco flavored?
19) I love to rollerskate! Let's go rollerskating, everybody! NOW!! (Seriously. Stop what you're doing and go rollerskating.)
20) I'm waiting for Orbit tooth floss.
21) You know, that whole father/son/holy ghost baloney is a really funny story. I'll tell it to you sometime!
22) Drum! Chum!

mitzh said...

w0w lots of people loves gum...

I love gum myself! yay!!!!

Iris said...

I LOVE gum. I used to eat Trident ALL the time. Now I chew winterfresh. That's some good gum right there.

Elizabeth said...

Lord Jesus, I am so glad you have a blog! Praying and waiting for some answer to come, I don't know, from the sky? In a loud booming voice? Or in some small, mysterious sign? was getting a little difficult. I must admit that I sometimes think that perhaps you were a figment of someone's imagination. But now that I've found your blog I'll never stray again. I promise.

But I hate gum. Especially now that I'm a mother. Because my kids like to chew gum and then stick in in all sorts of places besides the trash. They want to *save it!* Can you imagine this? I suppose you can. I've told them no more gum, especially when I find it on their dinner plates after we've eaten. Do you think I'm a mean mom?

Anonymous said...

i love gum the most of all

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