Thursday, May 24, 2007
Today I'm wearing a cape.
Hello. And you are fine, I trust? Excellent. Yesterday we talked about the intrinsic power of "the high five." Today, we talk about how life is better when you wear a cape. (By the way, I'm practicing to be a "motivational speaker." Remember when I said I needed to make a little extra money to buy Captain Janeway figurines from the Star Trek: Voyager show? This is how I intend to do it. I'm gonna dream up a bunch of different ways for people to feel better, then I'm going to travel around from Holiday Inn conference room to Holiday Inn conference room, charging people for my awesome ideas. I won't charge you, though, because I like you, and I don't believe in charging my friends to make them happy.)
Where was I? Oh, yes! Life is better when you wear a cape. Example: Today I said to myself, "I'm going to wear a cape." So I did. And not a big dumb go-t0-the-opera cape, but a cute red "Look at me, I'm Superman" cape. And since I had some extra fabric, I also made a tiny cape for Karen (that's my lamb). Then we went down to the mall, and and ran up and down the concourse with our capes flowing behind us! It felt great!
That is, until Jasper (he's the mall security guy) came along.
"Jesus," he said with more than a note of exasperation in his voice. "What are you doing?"
"Karen and I are FLYING!" I yelled. "See ya!!"
"Hold on there, Jesus," he said. "You can't fly in the mall."
"We aren't really flying, Jasper. You can see that, can't you?"
"Well, you also can't run around acting like a crazy person, either," he said.
"Umm… why not?"
"Because this is the MALL. Crazy isn't allowed here."
As we later learned, "crazy" also isn't allowed in the grocery store, car dealerships, and funeral homes. But you know what? That didn't stop Karen and myself. We went to the park jogging track and hid in the bushes. Then when someone would jog by, we'd sneak out… and then RUN PAST THEM REALLY FAST, YELLING, "WE CAN FLY!!!"
Turns out that kind of crazy isn't allowed either, and Karen and I got a warning ticket from the park patrol for "unnecessarily scaring people." (Is giving a lamb a warning ticket even legal?)
Regardless, we had a FANTASTIC FUN DAY. And I would like to congratulate "the cape" for making it happen. So… okay… I guess the moral is: Wear a cape today!
[Be sure to join me for my next motivational speech at the Ramada Inn near the airport. It only costs $100 and 37 cents.]