Hello! Hope you are fine, because I have a date! And it's with the most beautiful woman in the world… Dr. Jessica Hovley! OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY! I can't believe I actually asked her, but after going back and forth about it for a couple of days, I finally just said, "Oh, fish sticks! (Pardon my French.) I'm just going to do it." So I called her office today, and said, "Dr. Jessica Hovley, I think you're pretty, and I wish you would go out on a date with me." AND SHE SAID YES! I tell you, at that moment, I felt like I was back in heaven!
Then I panicked.
What am I going to wear? Where am I going to take her? Should I kiss her? What if she tries to kiss me, before I kiss her? What if we try to kiss at the same time, and chicken out? What if I try to kiss her, chicken out, and then try to kiss her again, but she is so totally disinterested at that point, she doesn't want to kiss me at all? Who's going to babysit Karen? (That's my lamb.)
So I calmed down, and called my friend Trudy the bank teller to give me some advice. For some reason she didn't pick up, so I left her a voice mail asking all those questions and she still hasn't gotten back to me. I wonder if she's still mad? I really don't understand her problem with Dr. Jessica Hovley. Maybe she hates dentists?
Anyway, I've decided to go all out, and buy some new Lucky jeans, a Ralph St. Lauren shirt, and some new loafers. I also bought some Axe body spray. And then I was thinking I'll take her to Quiznos (I hear they have a new Peppercorn Parmesan Turkey with Bacon sandwich I've been itching to try). Then maybe a movie? I'm thinking either Ice Cube's Are We Done Yet?, or Disturbia. Mostly I just like saying the name. Distuuurbiahhh. Distuuurbiahhh. "Dr. Hovley, may I interest you in a trip to Distuuurbiahhh?"
Anyway, the date is tomorrow night (Saturday), so if you have any advice, leave it in the comments section quick!
Wouldn't it be great if we got married? Maybe we could move to Distuuurbiahhh. Ha! LOL! ROTF. Just kidding. I do want to marry her, though.
13 comments:
Whatever. I know you're not really Jesus.
go for the kiss!
blessings to Karen!
peace out.
elroy.
Jesus, I know your omnopotent and such, however, you are not very smart. It's obvious that trudy has feelings for you and you are only breaking her heart by persuing another woman.
I agree with ash. Your acting like a tool.
It's almost 6:45 on Saturday night...maybe you're already on your date...
So? How'd it go, then? Cheers!
Find out early if she's allergic to lambs or not, because that could be serious conflict and/or inconvenience.
Peace out!
Dude, listen to ash & narcess.
J- Trudy might like you and all but that Dr Jessica is, well DOCTOR Jessica. 'Nuff said. I mean, even if you don't get past 2nd base with her you'll probably at least get a half-price cleaning or maybe some free whitening strips or something.
Thank God for your blog. I just posted about it at www.theblogblog.net . Check it!
Ok J, I know you're in love and all. But you might try keeping your true love's name straight! Is it Jessica or Jennifer? That might just make your date go a little better.
Hey Everybody!
Thanks for your comments! Keep on commenting with them!
Hey Butchieboy! Thank you, I like you.
Hey Atomicelroy! I decided not to. Check my latest post for details. Christ out!
Hey Ash! Why would a friend care if I have another friend? I think Trudy gets mad because she's diabetic.
Hey Narcess! Unh-unh! I'm right!
Hey Peppermint! You're sweet like candy. GET IT?!
Hey Lillie! You're right. That's a "deal breaker." That's what my dad would always say before sending people to hell.
Hey Jege (Jen)! They are wrong! But I like you guys! You're smart.
Hey Phollower! I'm done with dentistry. See my latest post, please!
Hey The! Wow. I'm famous! Okay, I was already famous. But now I'm famouser!
Hey Theuglybassplayer! Her beauty bamboozled me. Plus, I'm dumb! Thanks for the correction. Bye-bye!
Jesus, I've only just discovered your blog! Now I feel like I know you even better than I did as a child. I wish wish wish I could've known you needed a sitter for Karen! If you live near Park Slope in Brooklyn I'll make time for Karen. She sounds precious.
I think Trudy likes you... Listen to your heart jesus!
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