Hi, how are you? Fine I hope, but I'm starving. Man, what I wouldn't give for a box of Popeye's fried chicken. Yes, I know that whenever someone eats a box of Popeye's fried chicken a child dies in India… but I can't help myself! I love the stuff. Sometimes I'll get a box of Popeye's fried chicken and scrape off all the meat and skin into a bowl, and combine that with some mashed potatoes and gravy and crumbled up biscuits. Then I mix it all up in a blender, and eat every last bit in front of the TV while watching Meg Ryan movies. I LOVE POPEYE'S FRIED CHICKEN!
One day I ate so much Popeye's fried chicken, I think my heart stopped. And I was like, "Oh, my dad! I'm dying! Who's going to take care of my lamb Karen?" It was such a sad thought that I ate another entire box of Popeye's fried chicken while I wrote out my will.
Do you like gizzards? I do. I love gizzards, and Popeye's makes some great ones. A lot of people say, "Eww! Gizzards are intestines!" And I always say, "You're right, gizzards are intestines. And breasts are chicken titties." (Pardon my French.)
I really wish someone would pick me up a box of Popeye's fried chicken to eat. I'd even let them borrow my bike. I'd go myself, but someone has to watch Karen, and besides, I ate two boxes of Popeye's fried chicken for lunch today, and my stomach hurts.
Just a reminder, I had two spikes hammered through my wrists. So if you're passing by Popeye's, I'd like a box of their fried chicken, please. Extra spicy. Really, it's the least you can do, considering the whole spikes-through-the-wrists thing. Did I mention I'm starving?