Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I'm in love.

Hi. How are you, fine I hope, I'm in LOVE! That's right. I decided last night… well actually over breakfast… that I am in love with my dentist, Dr. Jessica Hovley. As you know from yesterday's post, I visited my new dentist and instead of hating her, I thought she was hot. Plus—and I don't know this for a fact—but I think she likes me. She totally winked at me when she said, "Don't forget to floss," AND she told me I had "handsome choppers."
So I made two poached eggs this morning, some toast and soy sausage, and made a decision: I AM IN LOVE WITH DR. JESSICA HOVLEY, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT IT.
Especially my friend Trudy, who is a bank teller. Sometimes we go to the mall food court on her lunch break from the bank. So today we were having a hot dog on a stick from Hot Dog on a Stick, and when I told Trudy I was in love with Dr. Jessica Hovley, she got all mad!
"You don't even know this woman," Trudy barked. "How would you know if you're in love? Besides she could be married!"
And I was all like, "She can't be married, she winked at me. I tell you, she was definitely digging my scene."
And you won't believe what happened next! Trudy threw down her hot dog on a stick, and yelled "FINE, why don't you marry her then!" Then she stomped off.
I really don't get why Trudy can't just be happy that I found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. On the upside, however, I got to eat the rest of her hot dog on a stick.


Bgenot said...

Trudy loves Jesus!

tsume said...

Trudy is jellus!

hula_hank said...

Dear Jesus,

Did Trudy throw her hot dog on a stick down onto the floor, or did it land somewhere more hygenic like your lap?

I would hate to the think that you were eating things off the floor.

If you were to eat something off the floor, do you follow the "3 second rule", which basically makes it ok to eat anything off the floor if it has only been there for 3 seconds or less?

If you did in fact eat Trudy's hot dog on a stick after it fell on the floor, was Trudy's hot dog on a stick on the floor for 3 seconds or less?

Unless Trudy threw her hot dog on a stick into the rubbish bin. In which case you ate out of a trash can... and I don't think that the 3 second rules applies to trash cans.

Anyway, Jesus, did you have lemonade with it?

love, Hank

Jesus H. Christ said...

Dear people who comment:
Thanks for your comments.

Dear Bgnot. What? Oh, come on. We're just hot dog on a stick friends.

Dear Tsume. That last guy said something very similar!

Dear Hula Hank.
1) The floor.
2) Well, I did.
3) More like five seconds.
4) No. More like five seconds.
5) I'm not homeless.
6) Yes. Cherry lemonade. I drank Trudy's, too!

Kato said...

Congratulations, love is wonderful. And you're right, women are pretty neat.