Thursday, April 26, 2007

Love is a confusing thing. Did you know that?


Hello. How are you, I'm going CRAZY. This whole Dr. Jessica Hovley thingy is driving me bananas. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Dr. Jessica Hovley is my dentist, AND I LOVE HER. But she doesn't know I love her! That should pretty much catch you up.
So I haven't been able to sleep, because all I do is thrash around all night and wonder, "Should I ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or should I not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date?
Should I ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or should I not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date?" Then I get up and eat breakfast, wondering, "Should I ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or should I not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date? Should I ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or should I not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date?" Things have gotten so out of hand, Karen (she's my lamb) pooped on the floor in protest! I kind of think it was a warning shot across the bow, however, because she chose to poop next to the heater instead of on my new cardigan sweater only two feet away. It's a nice sweater. I bought it from The Gap.
So here's my problem: I don't know whether I should ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or if I should not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date. To help me decide, I wrote out a list of pros and cons:
PRO: I want to kiss her all over her cute face.
CON: She might dislike me.
Again, that about sums it up. And it's not just Karen that's peed-off (Pardon my French), my friend Trudy the bank teller (she works at the bank) is still mad at me from yesterday (the "hot dog on a stick incident"). How do I know? Well, I called up Trudy, and was all like, "I'm sorry about yesterday. Are we cool?" And she was all like, "Yeah, I guess we're cool." And I was all like, "So what are you up to?" And she was all like, "Not much. What are you up to?" And I was all like, " I was just wondering
should I ask Dr. Hovley out on a date, or should I not ask Dr. Hovley out on a date?"
AND SHE HUNG UP ON ME!
I kinda don't get it. I hate it when Karen and I fight.
Did you see American Idol last night? It was stupid. I wonder if I should ask Dr. Hovley out on a date?

5 comments:

hula_hank said...

Dear Jesus,

Have you tried consulting a magic 8-ball?

love, Hank

Narcess said...

Have you considered that Trudy is hurt because she is in love with you? Love is a twisted thing man. Also you can’t date your dentist because if it doesn’t work out you have to find a new dentist. So weigh your options carefully my friend. Have a good dentist you like or a relationship that may go bad and loose a good dentist.

Kato said...

You should totally ask her out.

Or not.

I mean it's up to you.

I'd do it. Probably.

LeLo in NoPo said...

If you DO kiss the lovely Dr.Hovely, just remember to do it AFTER you swish and spit, not during.

Good luck!!!!!!!!11!!!! !! !11!!!!!

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hi everybody!
Thanks for commenting.

Hula Hank: I have not! Good idea. You're an "idea guy!"

Narcess: Trudy in love with me? Ehhhh… nope. Don't think so. Also, if I marry Dr. Hovley, she'll HAVE to be my dentist.

Kato: I will do what you say!

Lelo in NoPo: I am going to eat a can of Altoids before I kiss her. She's like a goddess!! My filthy tongue isn't worthy!!