Hi, how are you doing today? I'm fine, I guess.
So there's this guy, Terry, who works at the grocery store. And he's totally rude. He's a cashier, and though I really try to avoid him, all the other lines are always too long (probably because Terry is such a jerk) , and I hate waiting. So today I was in a big rush, so I chose Terry's line. BIG MISTAKE. I was just trying to buy some Lamb Chow for my lamb, Karen, and Terry was all like, "What? Is that for your widdle-bitty lambsy-wamsy?" And I was like, "What if it is?" And he was like, "Well, I eat lambs like yours for dinner." And I was like, "Well, you're not going to eat Karen, because I love her." And he was like, "HA! Karen's a stupid name for a lamb." And I was like, "Terry is a stupid name for a guy." (Which it is.) Then he got all flustered, and was all like, "Well… Jesus Christ is a stupid name for ANYBODY." And I was like, "Well, I died for you sins." And he was like, "Nobody asked you to die for their sins, so quit being such a martyr." And I was like, "Well, somebody DID ask you to do your job, so how much do I owe you for the stinking lamb chow?" (Pardon my French.)
Anyway, he finally checked me through, and even though I feel like I won the argument, my feelings still feel hurt. Why does Terry have to be such a jerk, anyway?
Whatever. Had a turkey, bacon and avocado sandwich from Quiznos today. It was good.
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And My Lamb, "Karen"
A daily memoir of sorts, in which I capture the mundanity of everyday life and breathe art into the words! And I write about my lamb, Karen, too! She really does the funniest, cutest things.
Jesus Christ
And My Lamb, "Karen"
Blog Archive
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2007
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April
(18)
- Worst… Date… Ever.
- Yay! I have a date!
- Love is a confusing thing. Did you know that?
- I'm in love.
- Dr. Hovley? You're lovely.
- I despise you, dentist.
- I'm really funny today!
- I just found a box of cassettes from the '80s.
- I really want some Popeye's fried chicken.
- Put a stop to Lamb-ism.
- Illegal downloading: I don't see it as a problem.
- My teeth hurt today.
- Two's a Crowd!
- I hate the way this guy draws me.
- "Do You Know Who I Am?"
- Easter Weekend: Whoop-eee.
- Karen the Lamb, Superstar!
- Terry is a real jerk.
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April
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About Me
- Jesus H. Christ
- They call me "Son of God," but that's kind of ostentatious, isn't it? I like hockey, collecting ceramic owls, "hanging out," and playing with Karen, my lamb.
8 comments:
dear jesus,
just to let you know...i have a fish named karen. i think it is a great freakin' name for any household/pasture animal. I agree terry is a jerk.
Dear Jesus,
I think you can name your pet pretty much anything you like (though nothing obscene or sacrilegious, of course).
Don't let Terry hurt your feelings. He's just insecure. I mean, it doesn't sound like HE'LL ever get resurrected, does it? Or of he does, he won't like the place he's resurrected to.
Michael
PS you don't actually feed your lamb lamb, do you? You mean lamb-food, right?
Dude, you eat bacon? What's dad say about that?
Hi guys.
Thanks for your comments. Karen is so awesome! I used to feed her table scraps, but she pooped on my clock radio, so I switched to Purina Lamb Chow.
My dad gets angry about EVERYTHING (including me eating bacon). I wish I could do something that would make him proud. Apparently dying for the sins of all mankind isn't "important" like getting a stupid, boring sell-out job working for the man. Whatever.
Man that Terry is something. I mean, who does he think he is? I'm surprised you didn't pull the old "Let he is without sin..." bit, cause that one's really hard to find a come back for. Terry's a jerk.
mmmm.... turkey, bacon and avacado quiznos.... okay, this is my new favorite blog.
Dear Jesus,
Terry is a jerk. Tell your dad to kick his ass.
Terry's an asshole.
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