Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Terry is a real jerk.

Hi, how are you doing today? I'm fine, I guess.
So there's this guy, Terry, who works at the grocery store. And he's totally rude. He's a cashier, and though I really try to avoid him, all the other lines are always too long (probably because Terry is such a jerk) , and I hate waiting. So today I was in a big rush, so I chose Terry's line. BIG MISTAKE. I was just trying to buy some Lamb Chow for my lamb, Karen, and Terry was all like, "What? Is that for your widdle-bitty lambsy-wamsy?" And I was like, "What if it is?" And he was like, "Well, I eat lambs like yours for dinner." And I was like, "Well, you're not going to eat Karen, because I love her." And he was like, "HA! Karen's a stupid name for a lamb." And I was like, "Terry is a stupid name for a guy." (Which it is.) Then he got all flustered, and was all like, "Well… Jesus Christ is a stupid name for ANYBODY." And I was like, "Well, I died for you sins." And he was like, "Nobody asked you to die for their sins, so quit being such a martyr." And I was like, "Well, somebody DID ask you to do your job, so how much do I owe you for the stinking lamb chow?" (Pardon my French.)
Anyway, he finally checked me through, and even though I feel like I won the argument, my feelings still feel hurt. Why does Terry have to be such a jerk, anyway?
Whatever. Had a turkey, bacon and avocado sandwich from Quiznos today. It was good.


ceiling cat said...

dear jesus,
just to let you know...i have a fish named karen. i think it is a great freakin' name for any household/pasture animal. I agree terry is a jerk.

Michael said...

Dear Jesus,

I think you can name your pet pretty much anything you like (though nothing obscene or sacrilegious, of course).

Don't let Terry hurt your feelings. He's just insecure. I mean, it doesn't sound like HE'LL ever get resurrected, does it? Or of he does, he won't like the place he's resurrected to.


PS you don't actually feed your lamb lamb, do you? You mean lamb-food, right?

Joshua Archer said...

Dude, you eat bacon? What's dad say about that?

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hi guys.
Thanks for your comments. Karen is so awesome! I used to feed her table scraps, but she pooped on my clock radio, so I switched to Purina Lamb Chow.
My dad gets angry about EVERYTHING (including me eating bacon). I wish I could do something that would make him proud. Apparently dying for the sins of all mankind isn't "important" like getting a stupid, boring sell-out job working for the man. Whatever.

Kato said...

Man that Terry is something. I mean, who does he think he is? I'm surprised you didn't pull the old "Let he is without sin..." bit, cause that one's really hard to find a come back for. Terry's a jerk.

dusty said...

mmmm.... turkey, bacon and avacado quiznos.... okay, this is my new favorite blog.

Iris said...

Dear Jesus,

Terry is a jerk. Tell your dad to kick his ass.

Alex said...

Terry's an asshole.