Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm really funny today!

You know how some days you really feel dumb, and other days you feel really funny? Today I'm really funny! Example: You know how I really don't like cursing, right? I don't mind if other people say curse words—it just makes me feel uncomfortable when I do it. Like, instead of the "s" word, I'll say "sugar," or instead of the "f" word, I'll say "fuddy-dud," or instead of the "c" word, I'll say "cungerella." That kind of thing. So I was talking to my friend Trudy—the bank teller— on the phone today, and once again she was complaining about her job, and how the managers never treat her right. "The bosses always interrupt my lunch break," she says, or "they always make sexual remarks about my nude pantyhose," or "when I work the drive-thru teller window the microphone smells like feet." Anyway, after listening to her complain for 20 minutes, she finally ends her rant by saying, "Seriously! It's as if all that bank cares about is money!"
And I'm all like—get this— "No 's', Herlock."
SEE?? See what I did there? Instead of saying "No [blank], Sherlock," I just took the "s" off the front end of "Sherlock," and since I was talking to a girl, it became "Herlock"! No "S", Herlock! ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I thought it was hilarious! In fact, I was laughing so hard at my joke, I couldn't hear anything Trudy was saying to me, so she hung up. HA! I'm laughing about it now! I tell you, I'm regular Wayland Flowers and Madame!
I'm thinking about buying a cowboy hat. Will that make me look stupid?


mona b said...


mandy said...
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mandy said...
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mandy said...

I have those moments all the time! Im not sure im as clever with the word play such, but im just as entertained with myself! Oh ,and hey Jesus...Do u know anything about Seattle? its my birthday monday and im heading up to have a look round. Have a good day, I hope Karens doing well.

eight books said...
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Ja'AmLo said...

that is absolutely hilarious!I like the play on words...

So is Flanders your favorite Simpsons Character? He's hi-diddli-arious!

Ta diddly Ta!

Kato said...

Jesus you are the original King of Comedy!

You'll only look stupid in a cowboy hat if don't also wear other cowboy gettup. I think it would look silly with your toga-thing, but if you bought some boots, jeans, and a bolo tie, you'd be stylin'.

Mary Magdalene said...

I think I recall when that drawing of you was done.. it was Judas' birthday party and you were taking hits off of the helium balloon tank.

hula_hank said...

Dear Jesus,
How do you keep your hair looking so healthy?
love, Hank

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hey everybody.
Thanks for commenting. Some spaghetti is on the stove, so I have to be quick. I like you, though!
1) Thank you.
2) Sorry you had to delete.
3) Sorry you had to delete.
4) Seattle is fun. Try the Pacific Science Center. I used to run the IMAX projector there. The beavers movie is funny.
5) Hank.
6) I like Bart. "Cowabunga, dude!" I was thinking of getting a tattoo of Bart with him drinking a can of Coors. Ha. LOL. Too scared.
7) Bolo ties are awesome. I'm going to get one with a dead scorpion inside.
8) That wasn't me. But I like you though.
9) Alberto VO5 hot oil treatments. It's old school, but it works!


tsume said...

Jesus, I used to run the IMAX, too! It was lonely, dark and cold in the projection room. :(