Friday, April 13, 2007

My teeth hurt today.

My teeth hurt today, so I'm just answering a reader's question. Is that okay? Thanks. Lelo from Nopo writes...
I have a question. I've always wondered what you smell like. At first I thought Irish Spring soap. But then I thought, patchouli. I mean, you've got long hair and stuff, so patchouli made sense. But then I thought maybe you're a Stetson man. So. What do you smell like and do you use scented products?
I swear to dad I'm going to cut my hair completely off. If you're a man, you simply can't have long hair without someone accusing you of being a hippie. I really dislike hippies, actually. You ask them a simple question like, "Hey, what's the weather like today?" And they're all like, "Our nature Mother decrees that it shall BE whatever it shall BE." LAY OFF THE POT, CHEECH AND/OR CHONG, AND GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER!
Anyway, I only use
Old Spice cologne, and here's why: Not only did Details magazine say that Old Spice is the best cologne (used sparingly), my dad told me it's a great way to get chicks. His theory is that a lot of women my age have fathers that used Old Spice, and since they grew up smelling it, that will activate an unconcious desire inside these girls to get close to me.
But that's kind of weird, isn't it? I don't want to have sex with a girl that's thinking of her father -- even subconciously. It also reminds me of
brainwashing, which is wrong. However, I did see a hypnotist in Las Vegas named Dr. Naughty who brainwashed a girl into taking off her blouse on stage. That was pretty funny. But still wrong.
Anyway, I hope that answered your question. My teeth still hurt. Maybe I should call "Dr. Naughty." Ha! LOL. Just kidding. He's not a real doctor. Ow. My teeth hurt.

11 comments:

Twango said...

Hi Jesus,
Sorry about your teeth. I can really sympathise, or is it empathise? My teeth have been hurting too. I saw a dentist and he said I need a root canal and that two wisdom teeth need to come out. Now I know he's full of kaka. I'm just having Sympathetic Savior Pains!

P.S. Do you like it when people call you "The J-Man"?

Lucifer said...

Oh, Jesus. My old friend. Is this what you spend your time doing these days? No wonder evil is spreading like wildfire.

Keep up the good work, old pal!

Danny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jesus H. Christ said...

Hey Lucifer.
What's up? Look, I appreciate your comments and all, but I think you're just trying to make me feel bad. I've had a lot of talks about this topic with my therapist, and I'm not responsible for what other people do. I know it's your job to be kind of a jerk and all, but my teeth really hurt today, so lay off.
I still like you, though.

purpletwinkie said...

Hi Jesus,
I found a great image of photo of you showing off your tattoo.

Do you have any other tatts or piercings...well, I mean other than the obvious?

Purpletwinkie
Las Vegas, NV

Danny said...

hey lucifer! don't be so smug. sure, you're the prince of darkness. and all but if your teeth hurt that bad i bet you wouldn't be so pleased with yourself.

you stink!

Alan Bluehole said...

If I know Lelo through the blog world, does that mean I'm saved?

Karen said...

Baa. Meeeh. Baaaaaaaaaaaa. Ba.

Aunty Christ said...

Hi, Jesus. Sometimes people I'm meeting for the first time ask me if I'm related to you. I don't think we are related. In any case, I've never seen you at the family reunion picnic. Every once in a while, though, I'll get a break on a used car or my landlord will "forget" to raise my rent or someone will give me a free drink, and I'm sure it's because people assume I know you. Which I totally do not! You'd probably disapprove of me using the family name to get free stuff. I feel a little bit bad about it myself sometimes. Sorry.

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hi Aunty Christ.
Thanks for commenting. Yeah… I don't think we belong to the same Christ family. Most of the Christs in my family are in Minnesota.
I miss my family actually. See ya.

Jesus H. Christ said...

Hey Purpletwinkle.
Thanks for commenting. I like tattoos but I am too scared to get one. (BTW, the guy in the picture isn't me. That's the lead singer of Nickleback.)
Have an awesome day.