Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I'm going into blog-tirement.
Hi, everybody. How are you? Well prepare to be DEVASTATED, because I am officially announcing my blog-tirement. Or my blogination. (What do you call it when you retire or resign from blogging? Getting a life?) Anyhoo, I'm quitting blogging for awhile. WHATEVER WILL THE INTERNET DO? Well, from what I understand, there are a few other websites of note, and they are practically desperate for people to read them. I used to be desperate, but thanks to this blog, and a series of wacky adventures, I think I'm feeling comfortable enough now to do other things for awhile. More on that in a moment, but I'm sure you have a number of questions, including, "WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?" My answer to that would be, "Baby… it's not you… it's ME." To tell the truth, I have a number of metaphorical entrees on my plate that need to be eaten, and frankly, I'm starving for time. (OOH! My writing has really improved!) These entrees are as follows:
1) TRUDY THE BANK TELLER. No dirty bird, I'm not going to "eat" her. (PMF.) But ever since I kissed her on the mouth (check previous blog posts for that sexxxxy scenario… PMF), I kind of feel like I've been sitting on my patoot (PMF), relationship-wise. It's time to buy her steak dinners at Outback, feed her cotton candy and Chick-o-sticks, and go all John Cusack in Say Anything on her patoot. (PMF again.)
2) HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. While high school doesn't start for a month, I need to buy pencils, pencil cases and Pee-Chee folders—because I don't want to be made fun of. Plus, high school football practice begins in earnest in a couple of weeks… and if I'm going to be like my teammate Jeremy (that is, walking around without a shirt on) my abs are going to have to be ripped. And abs don't rip themselves.
3) MY ENEMIES. Whenever I blog, I'm basically giving ammo to all my enemies, like Rev. Sparkle, Terry the grocery store checker (see blog post #1… haven't heard from him in awhile, huh?), and especially DAMIEN, whose annoyances have practically become a full time job themselves. Now I can read Damien's blog and screw around with him for awhile. (PMF!)
And last, but definitely not least, 4) KAREN. THAT'S MY LAMB. Nobody in the world means more to me than Karen, and while it's been important for me to look after myself, it's time for Karen to have a good daddy. Not that I gave birth to her, or impregnated a sheep or anything. That would be gross.
So anyway, I guess that's it for now. It's been really great sharing all my stories with you, especially since most of the stories in the bible about me are so fakey. At least in this blog you were able to see what I was really all about. I'm a nice guy, I'm a jerk, I'm super smart and I'm a dope. Just like everybody else. But just remember, I'll always always always like you and think of you. And even though I don't control the weather, and can't afford an iPhone, it's still okay to pray if it makes you feel better. Sometimes just admitting you're scared, and getting it off your chest improves things a lot.
Oh, and while the bible can be super duper annoying and WRONG most of the time, they did get one thing I said basically right: Try to make a lot of friends and be nice to each other. Time goes by a lot better that way.
Ciao for now,
Your always pal,
Jesus "H is for Hank" Christ