Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Don't judge, Judy.
Hello, and stop judging me. Lately I've noticed some comments on this blog wherein the commenter is totally judging my actions. Now, admittedly, I don't know much about this blogging business—but isn't it my job to write honestly about how I feel, and the things I do, and YOUR JOB to nod approvingly? NOD. NOD. Good, I'm glad we're in agreement. That's why I'm going to say some things right now, and I don't want any lip. This is all I want to hear:
NOD, NOD, NOD.
1) I'm dumping the whole iPhone idea. I know, I know. I've been moaning and groaning about the iPhone thing for two weeks, and have even threatened to rob a local church in order to get the money. But I changed my mind after reading a news report today that said Apple will be producing cheaper iPhones—WITHOUT THE PHONE ATTACHMENT. Now, PMF, but what the EFF?? An iPhone without the phone? That's like a Chick-o-Stick without the stick! (Or the "chick" for that matter.)
2) I'm thinking about wearing Axe Body Spray. So things are going better between me and Trudy (the bank teller, right?), but I think it's mainly because I'm no longer taking anything for granted. Now I know she's no longer dating Damien (that big dumb jerk who was mean to me for like, forever) however, there must have been a reason she was dating him in the first place. That's why I'm going to try wearing some Axe Body Spray, because that's what Damien wears. Hey, the girls on the commercials really seem to like it!
3) I no longer like Will Smith. Yes, I've written a lengthy post about how much I enjoyed the raps of Will Smith, and anything else that's done "Big Willy Style." However, I recently heard another of his rap songs, and hoo-boy did it stink. It's called "Just the Two of Us," and it's a really weird song about him and his new baby. First of all, DON'T RAP ABOUT A BABY. It's not right. Secondly, I don't understand what's going on—he talks about taking care of the baby all by himself, and never mentions the mother? Did she die in childbirth? If so, he doesn't mention it! Maybe he just left her there in the stirrups or something. Anyway, it's bogus, and he should write another great song, like "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It."
4) People shouldn't let roosters run free. So I was riding my bike (with Karen, that's my lamb) to check out the new rollerskating supply store in town, when out of nowhere suddenly these two roosters started chasing me! And we weren't near a farm or anything! They were just outside somebody's house! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? Having roosters running loose is like having pit bulls with knives tied to their noses. Those things are VICIOUS! And from what I hear, they like to sneak up behind you, stab you in the back with their sharp beaks, and drain out all your spinal column fluid. Look. Roosters do not belong in an urban environment. And I'm sure the neighbors don't appreciate the crowing at 5 am in the morning. (By the way, do you know why roosters crow? Because they're gargling some poor victim's spinal fluid!)
Here's the part where you NOD, NOD, NOD.