Thursday, July 19, 2007

I almost got muggled.

Greetings muggles! How are you? Fine, I trust! Me, I'm having a BLAST living out on the street in front of the bookstore, waiting for the new Harry Potter book to come out! BTW, I'd like to apologize for yesterday's technical difficulties, and for Jeremy (he's my shirtless football playing friend) posting that kind of (ahem) sexy (PMF!) picture on my blog. I just wanted him to let you know I was okay, not get you hot. So… sorry. He also apologized for putting up that picture, saying, "I was feeling kind of bloated when that photo was taken—I'll look for a skinnier one." Yeah, Jeremy. WHATEVER.
Anyhoozy, back to ME: I have been sitting here in line since Wednesday afternoon, and haven't slept a wink! Happily, I have sparkling conversation from my new street friends to keep me awake, and a little help from this AWESOME drink called "Red Bull." Ever heard of it? I've had seventeen of them since yesterday, and though my heart is making a kind of funny bumpity-BUMP-bummmmmmp -BUMPITY- bump-bump- bummmmmp sound, I feel wicked alert.
Otherwise, not much has happened, except four things of note:
1) My wizard costume kind of smells bad when it gets wet.
2) People driving by in cars tend to tease a wet wizard.
3) Maybe I should've brought a raincoat, or maybe some food other than Lamb Chow (that's for Karen). (Oh. That's my lamb.)
And 4) It's generally not a good idea to reveal how a very popular book is going to end, before it comes out.
See, I didn't get to read your comments yesterday warning not to reveal the ending, or I would've known that. For those just joining us, I'm not a big Harry Potter fan, so in order to "fit in" with the people outside the bookstore I read up on on the "spoilers" from the new book. When I announced that I knew which major character would die, everyone kind of flipped out; putting their fingers in their ears, singing really loudly, putting some kind of weird curse on me that sounded like "SHUTUPICUS!", and one lady dressed as a British schoolgirl got so upset, she ran into traffic and almost got hit by a car.
These guys take this Harry Potter stuff seriously!
Anyway, they got really mad, and accused me of being a "muggle-phobe" or something like that, and then started insulting my wizard costume, claiming, "You don't look anything like Dumbell Door, and your lamb doesn't look anything like Blobby."
"Well, first of all," I said, "Karen is dressed as a robot, so why should he be blobby?"
"It's DOBBY!" they screamed entirely too loud. "He's a house elf!"
"No, she's not," I countered. "She's a robot!"
"THERE ARE NO ROBOTS IN HARRY POTTER!" they continued to yell.
"FINE," I yelled back. "Why don't you call the young adult fiction police, and lock me up? Look, I don't know anything about Harry Potter, okay? Standing in line with you guys just looked like fun, and I wanted to meet some new friends!"
Well, that outburst calmed things down a bit, and a girl dressed as a ghost who apparently lives in a toilet, or something (?) came over and let me borrow "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" so I could get caught up.
So anyway, that's what I've been doing. Reading a poop-ton of Harry Potter. (PMF.) And guess what? I'm enjoying it so much, I'm already half-way through "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" (that Sirius Black guy sounds scary!).
And even though I know how the entire series supposedly ends, the books are still really exciting—and who knows? Maybe those internet spoiler people are wrong. Or better yet? Maybe I'll come up with some kind of dis-remembering spell so I won't remember how it all ends!

Hmmf. Well that didn't work.


Anonymous said...


Sammie said...

Is that you in the picture or some Harry Potter older look-alike? If it IS you, you don't look like I had pictured. I had the image of looking a little older and with a beard.
That was funny having Jeremy posting your answers to our comments(and a little extra)! He is pretty hot, although not as hot as the nerd in the picture in tonite's posting (if that is you). Nerdy guys are sometimes full of surprises because they have to work a little harder at pleasing women!, if you know what I mean! If you don't, then just forget that comment!
I hope your 2d night out in the elements is full of new experiences!
Keep being cool! WHOOOOOO!

The Redhead said...

Welcome to the dark side, J.C.! Once you become a Harry Potter fan there is NO turning back. If you ever try to leave, life will become VERY difficult for you... and your lamb (Karen).

Heh. Glad you're having a great time. I'll be looking for you when I go to pick up my copy at the local Border's downtown at midnight!

Oh Sweet Moses! said...

Please tell Jeremy not to wear any shirt at all ... EVER! Thank you.

The Ichthyophile said...


Jesus H. Christ said...


2) How do nerds please women? By constantly playing World of Warcraft?
3) I hope I don't have to keep wearing this wizard outfit. It really smells.
4) How about a top hat and a monocle?
5) Eaticus More Chik-o-stickicus!

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